That bipolar thing...

I guess I won't say I was shocked at the diagnosis by the psychiatrist yesterday. The symptoms have been there for awhile. Years, if I really look back. No, it's not bipolar 1, that which is generally associated with destruction, the longer periods of elation/mania, harm to self/others, etc. But its still bipolar. Still the restless nights/staying up for most of the night, sleeping during the day (no wonder all-nighters in college were so easy). Short periods of elation/mania, followed by pretty awful depressive crashes and a serious lack of concentration, and plenty of suicidal thoughts. That combined with not being able to hold down a job on a consistent basis the last 4 years or so (getting no sleep while trying to work day shifts is never a good thing) AND attempted to come to terms with the sexual abuse that happened as a kid...well, it kind of fucks things up. In a big way.

I'm not going to talk about this like I am an expert. I'm not. All cases are different in some fashion. I hope to try and educate myself further in the near future. I do know this. All I can do now is hope and pray (and ask for the prayer of others). Pray that the medication that was prescribed will do what it is supposed to do. And does it fairly quickly. And perhaps...maybe...things will get a little bit clearer after that. Cause I am serious lacking in many things...including a true personal relationship with Jesus, friends, a church, career direction, and the ability to write about music and film in a clear-concise manner. Well, that and being in debt with nothing coming in at the moment. Never good. But anyway, not really sure what writing will be done in the near future. Perhaps some year end lists if I can manage. Or maybe I'll feel like writing all the time. Dunno.

A few things I'd really like to see are No Country for Old Men, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Charlie Wilson's War, The Savages, The Kite Runner, Juno, Grace is Gone, Margot at the Wedding and Sweeney Todd.

Oh...by the way, forget about what the majority of critics said about The Hunting Party and go see it. It really does the balance between humor and seriousness pretty well. Good stuff. Richard Gere's career year with this and The Hoax (which you need to rent immediately if you haven't already).